Learning to be who I am.

Acceptance is something not normally discussed in conjunction with affirmations. The gurus typically talk about visualizing and mentally living as you want to be. However, one of the side effects can be undue pressure and guilt. If I am always looking forward to what I want to become, that means that I am not good enough now.

I had an interesting thought the other night. My main goal in life is to be comfortable in my own skin, authentically me. What I realized is that what I was really trying to do was to be comfortable in a skin that I do not embody yet. When I am healed, then I’ll be comfortable. When I am this, or that or the other thing, then I’ll be comfortable. Never comfortable now. Never good enough now. There is a very distinct feeling that accompanies discomfort which attracts more discomfort.

To truly heal, I realized that I need to be comfortable in my skin now. Not when I am healed, now. That means I have to accept me now. I have to accept that I feel tired, that it is hard to be disciplined, that I have more to grow, more to learn, that I make mistakes, that I am stubborn, that I get frustrated, that I feel confused, that I am not who I envision the ideal me to be. I have to embrace that, be comfortable with that, feel joy and gratitude in that. I have to accept that healing is a journey, not a destination.

That is not an easy thing to do. When I realized this the other night, I actually grieved. I grieved the loss of the image I had painted of the perfect me. I let her go. Her standards were too high. After a box of tissues and some deep breathing I actually felt freedom. A real sense of relief. Ahhh…she’s gone, it is just me alone with me, not knowing where we will end up. The first moments of acceptance had begun…

Return from Acceptance to Holistic Healing

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